Mud

Do you ever feel like you are wading through mud? Not just literally -- even though if you live in my area there is plenty of that to wade in. I am talking figuratively.

It seems lately that I have been wading in mud. I can't seem to be able to pick my feet up and move like I want. I am weary from just the basics of life. I just can't seem to avoid dirt.

All three of my sweet family unit are sick. Poor JP is still struggling with his cold. I think we might have to go back to the doctor on Monday. He is like a snail leaving a slime trail everywhere. I am wiping his little nose all the time. It makes him so mad. Nate is sick. He has been hibernating for the last two days so he could make it to work today. I am sick. My head is heavy and so is my heart.

What amazes me is that as I read the blogs of several of my friends, there seems to be a lot of weariness and discouragement going around. I wish I handled mine with as much grace and ease as it seems others do. I keep hoping one day I will finish my growing up and be able to wear my big girl pants.

Well, I am going to keep walking -- all the time singing Isaiah 40 to myself until it permeates my heart.

Worldy Solutions to Spiritual Problems

I was watching Dr. Phil today (I know a guilty pleasure), and his show was all about people who were bullied in junior high school. They appeared on his show still hurting twenty years later. Life had moved on, but these women still carried their hurt.

I myself extremely dislike junior high. I really disliked being in sixth grade, and I was not too crazy about teaching seventh grade years later. As a preteen, I was bullied on the way to school, in class, and all the way home. It is hard being 5'9 and 115 pounds in the sixth grade. Reading that sentence, those sound like model measurements but add in a bad perm, braces, glasses and lack of coordination and -- well, you get the picture. As a teacher, I felt helpless because I knew that many times when I intervened in bullying I was only able to address the behavior and not the motivation of the heart behind it. Junior High is such a hard time, and I believe a lot of that has to do with the age of accountability (a complex subject better addressed by a more competent person than myself).

Anyway, Dr. Phil is talking to these poor, hurt people. One lady went into modeling and another went into exotic dancing looking for ways to improve their self-image. Both of the bullies involved in these cases did not even realize they had hurt anyone until years later when confronted with the facts. Here is the point -- bullying is a spiritual problem because it involves lies that come from the enemy and attack the heart. Dr. Phil as nice as he is, was offering reason to deal with a heart issue. Hurt does not need reason. Hurt needs healing and heart healing only has one source.

Let's continue my story. By the end of high school, I had learned to fly low and unnoticed, but I still smarted from some of the comments I had heard. I had lost the braces, glasses and perm. I was still tall, but fortunately some others had caught up with me (by this time 5'11). I was still very insecure and fearful.

So here is the million dollar question: Why was I not on Dr. Phil?

The answer: Jesus

When I was 16, I went from learning about Jesus to living for Jesus. I gave my life to Him and when I did, He took all the sin, hurt, and pain. I have not forgotten the comments and even how I felt during those times of bullying, but these hurts have lost their sting. Truth about who I am in Christ removed the sting, and even during those times when the enemy tries to throw them back at me, they do not stick because I am covered and sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day when Jesus Comes.

It is funny that even as I write this I am once again struggling with my self-image. New circumstances and new people but same fear. Wonderfully, same source for healing. Thank you Lord Jesus for being the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

If I knew then . . . (part 1)

The other day I was thinking about all the different items I received at my baby showers. If I could go back in time to my 6th month of pregnancy, I would redo my registry list. I would take off somethings and add on others. For example, I would probably have left off the diaper genie and added on the convertible car seat. Sometimes when I am at the store and I see a young, eager, and pregnant couple registering for items, I want to steer them away from certain products and towards others. So many things that I now find indispensable never even crossed my mind. I just knew my kid would be healthy and never need a first-aid kit (ha, ha)!

Sickness

Yes, it will happen. It is not "if" but "when." The hospital gives you a little blue aspirator to take home. This is okay if your child has minimum snot. If you child is like mine and snot pours out like two rivers from his nose, then you want one of these. This little battery-powered dynamo sucks snot like a Hoover.

I also recommend a temporal artery thermometer. It is like something straight out of Star Trek. You run it across a your baby's head and it gives an accurate readying. Much better than sticking a thermometer up you know where. I have one like this. I was showing this to my family one night at the Olive Garden. Everyone had to try it out. All the other customers must have thought we were cray.

Monitors

My husband and I both give our seal of approval to the monitors offered by V-tech. We tried a couple of other brands, but they carried a lot of static. The V-tech monitor was very quiet and had lights on the parent's monitor. It was a little expensive, but well worth the money.

Difference of Opinions

I have noticed that somethings I think are necessary for my son's overall health and well-being are perceived by him as violations of his civil rights. Here is a short list of things I consider necessary and JP considers torture:



1. Riding backwards in the car seat

2. Wearing clothes

3. Changing diapers

4. Sucking snot out of his nose

5. Wiping any part of his face

6. Putting in eyedrops/nosedrops

7. Baby gates


The main reason I think he finds all of this offensive is that it impedes his exploration. I have a busy little boy who likes to go and move and has very little patience for distractions. He is so awesome!

Snot, Snot Everywhere

Well, it is official. JP has his first head cold -- complete with runny nose and cough. Poor Baby.

Shiny Sink

I found out about a great website called flylady.net from a friend. One of my goals since wife and mother have become my full time job is to keep a nicer, neater house. This website gives all sorts of great advice to help the naturally sloppy become better housekeepers. One of the first steps is to "shine your sink" and to make sure it is shiny before you go to bed each night. So before I head off to slumber land, I would like to share the following picture with you.

JP Update!

I am sure all of you have been waiting on pins and needles to know how the whole sleep thing is going. Well, there is improvement. My husband and I actually had two nights uninterrupted. The last few nights we are still dealing with one night waking, but they are getting shorter. Who knows, by the time he is four we might actually have a whole week of uninterrupted sleep.





As far as food goes our son will one day eat us out of house and home. JP loves his fruits and veggies and cereals! We defiantly have a rolly-polly little boy.





JP has also discovered how to move himself around. He crawls on his knees and elbows and can cover quite a bit of ground in a very short time. He is also figuring out how to climb on top of things. The only trouble is he can climb up, but he cannot climb down.

I am such a hard-hearted mother that I chose to take a picture before I rescued my little adventurer.

It is time to finish child-proofing your house when . . .

Two steps forward, One step Back

Those of you who have been following what I deem the "Sleeping Saga" with abated breath will be happy to know that we have put our resolve to the sticking place and our son now sleeps nine hours uninterrupted. Praise the Lord. However, this means (for those of you math people) that our son also wakes up at 5:00 a.m.

I have a real hard time with 5:00 a.m. I can handle 6:00 a.m., but 5 is just an hour I have never enjoyed seeing pretty much my whole entire life. We, my husband and I, would like JP to sleep a little later, but We are hitting a wall. I have been letting JP entertain himself in his bed (i.e. fuss and talk and cry) until at least 6:30 hoping he will see the futility of his ways and just resolve himself to sleep at least 10 hours.

My son has resolve alright -- just not in the direction I would like. This would be D-Day plus 5 in the battle over 5. It really only took one night to get to the nine hour point -- who knows how long until we reach the ten hour mark?

So, all of you experienced and smart moms out there, any suggestions?

Good Friends

Sometimes I forget how wonderful it is to have friends over. Last night we had some of our most favorite people over for dinner. We all had a blast eating and playing the Wii. I can't wait to have them over again.

Throwing in the Towel

How do you know when it is time to throw in the towel and cut your losses?

My husband and I have been working with our son trying to help him learn how to fall and stay asleep. My son is a finicky sleeper at best. Rocking him to sleep did not work because it just became a two hour wrestling match. Patting him to sleep did not work because he thought it was a game -- and even if he did settle down after 25 minutes of patting and shushing, he would only get madder when I stopped.

We have been letting him cry (mainly fuss) himself to sleep -- with our supervision, of course. Neither one of us believes a little one should be crying hopelessly in the dark alone. When he goes to sleep I check on him every 10 or so minutes. He is usually asleep in 20 - 30 minutes (only 3 checks). I can live with this. I can live with the fact that he now takes two naps a day with minimum fuss. What is getting hard to live with is the 3:00 a.m. waking.

He wakes up and cries. I go in there after a couple of minutes to make sure there is nothing serious, tuck him back in, and leave. We then begin an hour of fussing and crying -- at least we hope it is only an hour. Rocking, patting, etc. does not work (see above). So, I end up with a stressed out family in the wee hours of the morning.

I have been trying to avoid another bottle during this time. My son is in the 97% percentile and does get plenty of calories during the day. Any child who can eat 12 TBSP of cereal, 15 oz. of fruits and veggies, 1-2 oz. of chicken, and 30 oz. of formula during a day is not starving. Tonight I tried giving him a little water, but he is still crying and I am writing a post.

I am out of answers.

I am frustrated.

I am tired.

First Snow

It was too cold to really play in the snow, but we all got out to experience JP's first snow fall.

Santa

I know it Christmas is past, but this shot of JP's first visit with Santa is just too cute not to share.

Wii Fit

I have a new favorite game. My husband bought me a Wii Fit for Christmas. I do not like to exercise unless it is disguised in such a way that it no longer resembles exercise, so the Wii Fit is perfect. I try to play at least thirty minutes a day. I even (gasp!) do at least five minutes of jogging! Somehow jogging in warmth of my own home as I follow an animated cat as strange Mii characters shout out encouragement is the motivation I need. If I could train a pet to lead me jogging and convince my neighbors to stand outside cheering, maybe I could do the real thing. Anyway, it is a baby step in the right direction.

I hate being sick

I hate being sick. I hate the weird spacey head feeling. I hate the medicines that only work to take the edge off. I hate the hot, burning eyes feeling. Most of all I hate the way life keeps going on when I am sick. Instead of letting me spend a day or two in bed, life just keeps on going.

This is my first time to be sick since becoming a mother. I have to be so careful not to kiss on my baby! That is the worst part of being sick. So as I muscle through armed with cough drops and cold medicine, remember me and my family in your prayers.

Counting Blessings

When a parent is in the process (still) of sleep training, it is easy to focus on the negative. For example, It is now 3:30 a.m. and I am writing in my blog as my son cries. I have checked on him, changed his diaper, patted his back in reassurance and even gave him a couple of ounces of water to help soothe his tired throat. I know my son is okay, except that he thinks seven hours of sleep is okay for a 6 month old. I think seven hours is too short, and he should try to sleep at least three or four more. So, we are at an impasse of wills.

I often find myself tallying and lamenting the number of wake ups or jealously guarding the number of hours of uninterrupted sleep. In short, I have been focusing on the negatives.

Tonight, however, the Lord gave me a most wonderful positive. My son is learning his bedtime routine. We had our bath, drank our bottle, read our book. We are reading a book called 10 minutes to bedtime. A wonderful book full of silly little hamsters doing silly little things right before bedtime. After the book, we pray. Specifically, I pray aloud over my son as I hold him. Most of the time my prayer is cut short by squirming and fidgeting, and I lay my son in his bed. He then proceeds to fuss for about twenty minutes until he goes to sleep. Tonight as I prayed, we snuggled. It was wonderful. I snuggled and prayed for my son until he got drowsy, laid him down, and he went peacefully off to sleep.

As I look back, I realize that slowly JP is learning to trust me and sleep on his own. He fusses less before sleep. He wakes up less most nights. He does not get a bottle during the night, and he has been eating wonderfully during the day.

I am going back to bed. My son has been quiet for ten minutes -- hopefully asleep, and I have 3 hours, 13 minutes, and 30 seconds until it is time to get up.

Resolution #1: Contentment

I am not sure that this can really be a resolution, but it is definitely one of those issues that continually pop up in my life. Nothing is worse than a case of the If-Only's. You know, "If only I had . . ." "If only he/she/they would . . ." "If only I could . . . "

The If-Onlys are very sneaky because they change. When I was a kid I would think, "If only I were grown, then I could do/be/get what I want." When I grew up, then I thought, "If only someone could step in and make this really hard, difficult, and unpopular decision for me." As a single person I would moan, "If only I could get married." As a married person I then lamented, "If only I could get pregnant." Now, as a mother of a truly awesome kid, "If only I could get some sleep and not smell like formula."

I am convinced that "If only" is the death peal for contentment. It is so easy to look out of the reality of one existence and fantasize about the positives of another. I find I usually come back from vacations and trips with a case of If-Only. I am so ready to try on another city for size that I begin to resent my home a little. This is totally unfair, because my home consists of loving family, an exciting new church, and a lovely home that is decorated almost how I want (If only the laundry room were by the garage -- see, even in writing a post of contentment, the If-only's rear their ugly head).

The worst part of the If-only's is that they are an affront to my LORD. If I truly believe He is sovereign (and I do), then I am not raging against my circumstances but against HIM. I believe this is why Paul in Philippians 4 addresses contentment. Paul said he has learned contentment not matter the circumstances because he has found his contentment in the LORD. Specifically, "through HIM who gives me strength."

My resolution is this, to pray seriously and often that the LORD would give me the strength to shut down the If-only's and to be content in what has been provided.